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Questions and Answer

Q. I have a 5 year old daughter and I am 6mos pregnant with my second child, my daughter is asking me questions that I don't know how to answer. ex: How and where does the baby come out at? I don't want to lie to her, but I'm not sure if she is old enough and mature enough for me to tell her the truth. Help me please!! What should I do?

A. The beauty of children at this age is that they can know exactly how and where the baby comes out, without getting to the point of asking how the baby got in there. In my experience, I would tell her the bare minimum that will satisfy her and that I felt comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with saying, "well mommies push babies out of their vaginas--that's the birth slide." Most kids will not bat an eye and say "Oh okay." She may go on to say "oh my, Does that hurt?" or "Did I get to go down the slide?" This line of questioning may lead to a bit of "I'm pushing my teddy bear out my vagina" play as well as wanting to know their own birth story. My own daughter at four went around dropping her stuffed kitten onto the floor from between her legs and shouting "oh look there's my baby from my 'gina," for about a week after seeing a birth film----just as children will imitate their mother's behavior while breastfeeding, etc.

One note though, even though your five-year-old may know where babies come out, it might be a good addition to caution her not to share this with the playground crowd just yet. Most kids, if you explain it is private and personal, will respect this and not run through the neighborhood shouting, "Guess where the baby comes out!" or blurt out their new knowledge when Grandma is over.

The reason for the bare minimum is that as adults we usually tend to give far more information than the child actually required once we get started. I refer to the old joke of "Mom, where did I come from?" where the mother patiently explained the facts of conception, ending in the child saying," Oh I was just wondering, Mike's from Conneticut." It is possible to overdo, so a good rule of thumb is let them ask the questions and don't stress too much about it. If she does get to the point of asking how the baby got in there and you feel it is not time for her to learn all the details, feel free to say Daddy put it there and drop the subject gracefully. Learning about sex is a personal thing in each family, and while I encourage highly that parents discuss sex openly with their children, you may consider five a bit young to get all the gory details in one sitting.

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