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Week by Week

Leo

Leo Sullivan Duke 3:04 am 1/24/98 8 lbs. 14 oz. 21 1/2 inches long 14 1/2 inch head

Before telling you about Leo's birth, as background, let me tell you a little about Maud's birth. With Maud, I had really terrible back labor but, more importantly, really strong emotional issues about giving birth and my ability to be a good Mommy. I didn't plan her pregnancy and not until labor did I deal with the emotional issues surrounding birth and motherhood. This caused me to have really severe panic attacks during labor which, along with the severe back labor, caused me to stall at 3 cms from 12:30 pm till 6:30 pm when my midwife finally got in my face and told me I had to dilate then stretched my cervix from 3 to 6 in one contraction. From then it was a mere two hours till I was ready to push and I had her out in 20 minutes after that.

The trauma of the birth stayed with me for a good 18 months after that and I had very negative feelings about birth in general. The positive thing about it was that since I had the baby at home, I didn't have an epidural which would have, IMHO, disconnected me from the emotional things I needed to deal with. I think It would have made me not so good of a mommy. And I might have even ended up with a c-section since I was stalled for so long. Facing my fears was very important and I was only able to do so at home with no meds. It made me bond really strongly with my daughter, IMHO.

So, that being said, as you can imagine, I was really apprehensive about labor this time--I was very afraid that I was going to panic during labor again. So, I informed my Midwife, Margie, who also attended Maud's birth, about my fears. I also told Renee, my best friend since I was 13, who is now a midwife in the San Francisco. She was also there for Maud's birth. And I told my Mom. Amazingly to me, none of them were aware that I'd had severe panic during Maud's birth.

We all came up with a plan that they would be watchful for signs of distress and offer first off a cold washcloth for my head, which helps amazingly when I'm anxious, then Rescue Remedy, and then motherswort. Just that everyone knew there might be problem made me feel better.

So, onto Leo's birth story. I was due the 24th of January but at 37 weeks I was already 3 cms and 50% effaced. By 39 weeks I was 5 cms and 100% effaced with a bulgy bag and my midwife said any day now. She actually couldn't believe that I hadn't already gone into labor! So Renee came down early for the birth but could only stay 5 days so the clock was ticking! Also, my husband is a huge Bronco's fan and had tickets to the Superbowl on the 25th of Jan. He was only going to go if I'd had the baby by then (my mom was going to stay with me while he was gone). I really wanted him to be able to go--so the pressure was really on ;-0

On the night of the 23rd, Renee's last night, Leo's god mother happened to be in town and she came over to visit around 5 as I was having painless contractions about every 10 minutes. I called my midwife to let her know that maybe tonight would be the night and she said--"well, if things stop I can always come over and break your bag." This really surprised me since I knew my midwife is generally against it. But she explained that at 5 cm, 100 % effaced with a bulgy bag it was a rare circumstance when she would do this and since Renee had to leave the next day and I really wanted Ben to go to the Superbowl, I should think about.

I got off the phone and asked Renee's opinion. She agreed with Margie and then called her senior midwife, Deborah, to ask her her opinion. Deborah suggested popping my water when she heard how dilated I was before she even knew that Margie had also suggested that!

So, I started walking around my neighborhood to get things going naturally while I considered inducing. My only apprehension was that somehow when Margie broke my bag I would have an instant panic attack. When my contractions completely died down around 9:00 I decided to face my fears and have Margie come on over to do the deed. She arrived a little before 11:00 and popped my water. What a gross feeling! The water was clear so now we just had to wait.

Margie and I played Scrabble on the computer until Maud woke up around 12:30 am and freaked with all the people over (My mom had arrived and so had Leo's godmother). So Ben and I took her for a ride in the car to try to calm her down while I nursed her in the back seat. At 1:07 the first contraction hit and it was a doozy. At 1:11 the next one came and I told Ben I had to go home. At 1:15 the next one came just as Ben was MISSING the turn to our house and I screamed, "Oh my God you missed the turn!!!"

As we arrived at the house I was having another contraction. I ran in and told my mom to go see to Maud. Margie told me it was my turn at Scrabble, I yelled, "I don't care!" and I ran to the bathroom where I had another contraction. Renee and Margie ran in after me and got me settled on the birth ball. They checked me and I was at 7. At some point a laughed about something between contractions and Renee asked if I ever thought I'd be laughing during transition. I guess not! Contractions were 2 minutes apart at this point.

About 20 minutes later they checked me again and I was at 8. At this point I couldn't find any comfortable position since the pain was bouncing around during each contraction. It would start with incredible rectal pressure, then move to my back, then my pubic bone, then the lower part of my belly. If I found a position that helped one type of pain, it made the rest worse. I tried different positions on the birth ball, both of my toilets, and the floor. Nothing helped. Finally, Margie and Renee got me lying on my right side on the bed. During contractions Margie would hold my top leg up while Renee swabbed my brow with a cool cloth. Contractions were now one on top of the other and I was begging Margie for a break. I kept saying, "If I could just have five minutes off, I could do this!" And Margie just said, "I wish I could give you a break sweetie but I can't. You are so close, though." At this point it was a round 2:30 am or so, a whopping 1 and a half hours since labor started.

Just as I thought I couldn't take anymore, I was hit with the most incredible urge to push and instinctively rolled over onto all fours and began grunting wildly. Margie checked me and pronounced my a 10. I remember thinking to myself, "Duh, you needed to check me to figure that out!"

I expected pushing to be really easy since Maud just slipped out. But It was much harder to get Leo out. I pushed really hard a few times until Renee helped me to raise my upper body during pushing so I wasn't going uphill so much. When she did this, he finally crowned. When his head was out Margie announced that it was a boy and I couldn't figure out how she could know that without seeing a penis. But Renee told me later that he really looked like a boy.

I remember thinking that I could just get his head out it would all be over since Maud's body slipped out easy as you please after her head came out. I didn't. Imagine my disappointment when Margie told me I still had to push because his shoulders were tight! Two more pushes and Leo was born just as my husband was returning with Maud, in my own bed, pink and beautiful, apgars 10 and 10, after 7 pushes which seemed like a whole lot to me at the time!. Total labor time was 1 hour 57 minutes! DH got to cut the cord. I wasn't at all upset that he missed the labor since he's no help in those situations anyway, bless his lovely soul, he can't stand to see me in pain. Mom and Patty (the godmother) and Dale (Mom's SO) got to see the whole thing though which I found out later since they were standing behind me while I pushed and I was unaware of their presence (lovely view, I'm sure)!

All's well that ends well--I had not one moment of panic or any twinges of anxiety. And Ben got to go to the Superbowl after all where the Bronco's won! What a special weekend for him. A new baby son one day and a superbowl victory the next!

I have to say that this labor was so incredibly healing for me. I now only have positive feelings about birth and DH and I are considering having four kids now!! It was truly the world's greatest experience. Leo is an incredibly easy baby, even easier than Maud--who only cried about 20 minutes a day. He doesn't cry at all, except to have his diaper changed. And Maud has turned out to be the world's best big sister and shares her milkies with Leo like a champ! (She, at three, still nurses a good 8 times a day so I'm doing a lot of nursing, as you can imagine).

All in all, life is absolutely great!

Sorry this is so long. If you've read this far, thanks for letting me share. -- Annie Mama to Maud (homebirthed 3/7/95) and Leo (homebirthed 1/24/98)