Matthew's Birth

Matthew, born weighing 7'10, was in a big ole hurry to get here. I was induced with my first child, had an epidural and a very quick labor with no trouble pushing the baby out. I had never dreamed of actually delivering the baby with no anthesia. oops. I should have prepared myself for the unexpected. Not that any amount of preparation would have helped to squelch my utter fear when I realized what was happening.

I assumed I would try to stay home for as long as possible to avoid being hooked up to machines. But still in time to get an epidural. Because I figured, why experience sharp, stabbing pains if I don't have to? I wanted a very light epidural because I had no desire to feel the baby coming out of me.

On Friday, October 11, I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid so I went to the doctor's office to be checked. Some of the tests showed that I was, but the ferning test showed that I wasn't. I did not want to be induced--that is pure agony. He told me to come to the hospital 3 hours later and be checked. The nurses there told me it was not, so I went home, exhausted and relieved I wasn't going to be induced.

I thought I was getting B/h contractions, but nothing to make me stop running around after my almost three-year old. I went to bed and slept great. My daughter, who still sleeps in diapers, or at least should sleep in diapers, woke me up to change her. I get out of bed and feel a cramp, pretty bad so I take a Tynoel. As I'm changing my daughter, I get a real bad contraction and my water breaks. At first I'm not sure but then more comes out. So I put a pad on. I quickly proceed to put laundry away at a frenzied pace. I clean up because I'm thinking I'll probably have guests over. I'm frantic because my kitchen is a mess and I'm worried about what my mother in law will think, who could care less. Then I get another one and have to go the bathroom. Which I'm relieved about because I was so worried I would go to the bathroom on the delivery table. This all started about 8:00. Timing the contractions was a joke. They came quick, hard and fast. I called the mother in law at 9:00 and told her to start thinking about getting here to watch Natalie. I screamed during the short conversation with the doc who told my husband to get me to hospital. Lots of contractions on the way. I arrive at the observation room at 10:00.

I change into a ugly gown, and the head nurse tells me to lie on my side. They then attach the monitor. I'm at a 4, 100% effaced and my water is definately broken. I came to the hospital to get an epidural which I was extremely happy with on my first baby. I told them I wanted an epidual and she said your cervix is puffy, he wouldn't even want to see me yet. That I have a lot more work to do. She comes back and sees me start to cry with my husband and tells me, if I act like that now it's going to be a very long day in a condecending way. In the meantime, the other nurse, is asking stupid questions about sexually transmitted disese's and such. Then she says nonsensical stuff hoping to help me cope. I say "I know you are trying to help, but you are really upsetting me so please be quiet." Which she does. Pretty soon I feel like throwing up, so she gets me the puke pan, but by then I decide I really don't need to throw up, I need to curse, just a little, and throw it across the room. This signals the lead nurse to move me to an admitting room. (Why pre-register if you still have to answer dumb questions?). Then she tells me to be calm. What a stupid thing to say. By the way, I was handling contractions quite nicely with my husband massaging my back up until this point. My husband later told me I proceeded to scream in her face after she told me to be calm. She then told me we had to get the IV in before he could put the epidural in and I have to hold still. I say I'm trying. Okay, Okay Okay. I lay down on the bed. She proceeds to mutialate my arm. The anethisest shows up, mad at her because the IV is not in. The doctor is pacing in the back. The drug guy, since I can't spell, is asking the doctor how far along I am, shows him the paper I signed, which I wrote a big star on, and my name was, well lets say written through contractions. The nurse gives me some song and dance about how the patients in the other rooms don't want to hear me, and how I should care because I'm making her job hard. I proceed to give the doctors and my husband a "Can you believe this" look. They are thinking this is pretty funny, and my husband says,"umm..I don't think she cares." Then, probably trying to bring me back down to earth, says, "You have very bumby veins." So I tell her to "find another vein," which cracks up the drug guy, who by the way is very cute and definately had a calming effect on me. I notice him buckeld over with laughter out of the corner of my eye. By the time I look over at him he has contained himself and stands politely by the cart. So I say "YOU, HERE, NOW." pointing at my left arm where my veins are popping out of my arms. He says Ok OK. My husband is still laughing as he says Where the hell is a needle? The other nurse gets one and in five seconds flat the IV is in. I was sortof muttering under my breath about people standing around. At one point the drug guy and my husband are commenting on how they have the same watch, a nerdy calculator watch. All of this laughing is making the nurse mad, but I could care less. Then my husband says "honey" and I say "what" very testily. Then to my surprise I notice that the IV is in. Who would have that having an IV shoved up your veins is better than sex. Anyway, I'm really concerned the IV is going to fall out. So I ask my husband to hold it. And the other nurse puts some tape on it. The doctor leaves relieved to know his patient is going to get a epidural. I tell the drug guy he's my hero. Then proceed to get a killer contraction. I start it by mumbling cuss words under my breath, peak it with "oh, my God" then tell it to go away about 5 of 6 times. Lay on my side snap at the drug guy in answer to his question that I have had an epidural before. I feel bad, totally calm down. And try really hard to concentrate on his questions. No, I don't have allergies. I could fall asleep at this point. I'm almost hymotized by his eyes, and he looks a little concerned that I've gone off to la la land. But I try not to because I want an epidural. Looking at the Iv nurse makes me give her dirty looks, which takes a lot of energy, so the drug guys stays a little away from her and I relax. He's very good because he doesn't talk much, and has a soothing voice. And of course, he's not laughing now. Next thing I know a freight train takes off downwards or is it a baby? I groan like I have never groaned before. When its over, my eyes get huge, my jaw drops and I pant like I've just swam a mile, butterfly, in under a minute. I stop breathing so hard, good thing I was in good shape from lots of walking. I look over at the drug guys eyes, which is about all I can focus on, and annouce, even though, I'm sure he figured it out, "I either have to go to the bathroom really bad, or I'm going to have a baby now." He says "OK, can someone check her?" I don't think he really understands so I say, in my most dramatic, emphatic way, "I mean really bad." He looks sortof uncomfortable at this point And I almost start a full-fledged smile. But the evil nurse comes to check me. "Yep, the head is right there." I start to moan and groan. I can actually feel the baby tearing me. I am vaguely aware of the nurse, jaw dropped arms open looking at the drug guy saying I was at a 4 at 10:00 And he saying why didn't you call me then. She said, OH you wouldn't understand (snappy like) and she proceeds to get stirrups, I find out from my husband later . I see the drug guy tap his finger on the doctor's shoulder to ask a couple of things. I know he's trying to get out of there, but I thought I could still get some local anesthic. So I sit up, huffing and look at him with utter fear in my eyes. At this point, I could care less if the gown is covering me up or not, I could care less if the entire Dallas Cowboy football team was in the room. He wisely doesn't say anything. He's probably afraid I'll beat him up. But once again he remains calm which calms me slightly, I turn to Dr. Lue who is staring at the floor afraid to look at me, I think. Or maybe He's trying to perserve my modesty, like I care. I want a local. But I guess it was too late. I lean back watch the drug guy leave, and yell something to the effect "can you believe this" with a few added cuss words. I went into la la land. I guess I was thrashing about groaning and moaning doing every thing the opposite of the way the nurse told me who actually had the gull to put my feet in stirrups. My husband told me later that I took them out. good for me. When I came out of this drug like stupor, which hurt so much I blocked it out I think. I said "Is the head out yet?" Started to pant, my husband said not yet. I'm bumbed out. Then I look and see it. And I'm kindof tired at this point. Then I say, "I guess I should try and push the baby out." So I do and then all of the maternal feelings in the world rush up to greet me. I start praying that my baby is ok. Wondering if its a boy or girl. I just keep pushing. And lucky me, it's a boy. Now I have a boy and girl. The evil nurse comments, 4 to delivery in 24 minutes you should tell the nursing staff you go fast, in case you have any surprise babies. She's being nice now. I think she feels bad. I also think the doctor and nurse were relieved I didn't have a long push time. They keep looking at me so I say, "I don't know about you guys but I'm done." They say remember from last time the placenta, so I push a couple of times. Happy that I have a baby.

As the weeks go by, his head is looking less and less like a bowling ball. Because that is what it felt like. A ten pound bowling ball rolling out of me ripping me apart. I still have some feeling of anger at the nurse, who was as nice as could be later. Not so much because I didn't get any drugs, but because she didn't really listen to her patient even though I did go fast. I've become obsessed with reading about natural child birth. I can't get the moment as labor out of my mind and don't really have anyone to talk to it about. My husband is done talking, my friends haven't had babies. I'm not waking up from sleep thinking I'm having a baby anymore. But it just went too quick. I want to do it over. I want to saver it, I guess. Maybe my story can help another person who's birth plan went ary. Also, this is probably our last baby, although, I'm not quite ready to admit that. There is something sad about that. One final note...I saw the tool time girl on HOME IMPROVEMENT give birth and thought it was sorta realistic. But nothing could possibly prepare a person for giving birth, nor could you possibly explain it to someone who has not gone through it.

Mrs. Jones