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VBAC
Week by Week

Gwendolyn Laura Jalbert Landeck

With renewed hope, we welcome into our lives

Gwendolyn Laura Jalbert Landeck
October 23, 1995 8:21 AM
11 pounds, 1 ounce 22 inches
Head circ: 15.5 inches
Apgars: 8 & 9

Trish Jalbert and Al Landeck

Now we are a family again.....

And here follows the most beautiful cesarean birth story ever, in my opinion. As a matter of fact, it's just plain a beautiful story. I could not have asked for more.

We have suspected that she was big since I was 32 weeks pregnant. I was meausring large, and an ultrasound showed her to be (at 32 weeks) the size of an average 38 week fetus. My OB suggested that she thought a c-section would be safest. I was very disappointed, as I had looked forward to a VBAC. After lots of thought (and a big search on MedLine) we decided to go ahead and take my OB's advice and schedule the c-section. We are glad we did...the risks at her size were just not something we would have been comfortable with, and it would likely have been a long and scary labor. Especially for us, with memories of Miranda hanging over us. Sure, I know that lots of 11 pounders are delivered vaginally. But I wasn't up to the thought of the risks if she got stuck. Al and I needed this birth to go smoothly and to just have a healthy baby. Had I gone into labor spontaeously, we would have seen what would happen. I do wish that had been the case, but I really have no regrets.

We spent the last few days before the section resting and just enjoying our anticipation. I did try castor oil and the cohoshes, and while some labor started, obviously my body wasn't ready to get her out vaginally. I now agree with my OB, Dr Honegger, who decided that even had I gone into labor, a section would have been pretty inevitable. And it would probably have been a long and scary labor. Even with a strong possibility of dystocia, and the thought of going through the worry and fear of all that and not having the beautiful experience we did have gives me the willies. So I'm glad it turned out as it did. My one biggest bout of contractions didn't go on for more than 5 hours, and even at that they were irregular. Enough to be fun and exciting, though. We enjoyed that, just as we enjoyed the rest of the weekend.

We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM for preparations. I'm not a morning person at all, and told Al that it was only because I wanted her so much that I would ever consider getting up at 4:30! I had heartburn lots the night before, and wasn't allowed to take anything- not even water- due to the fasting requirements before scheduled surgery. Somehow I wasn't too sleepy, though. As we drove there, we both were in shock, unable to believe that soon we would have a baby, one who would be healthy...

The were few laboring women there that day, so we had lots of attention getting prepped, which involved monitoring her for quite a while just in case, as well as the great fun of having my belly and upper pubic hair shaved. Gwen was kicking up a storm as they tried to monitor her, so they had to give up and have a nurse chase her around, trying to get a long enough strip. I thought it was pretty funny.

The anesthesiologist came to talk to me before, and turned out to be just *wonderful*. I was glad, as I had a scary experience with anesth. with Miranda, and had lots of questions. He reassured me that it's normal to feel as if you can't breathe during the procedure, because the numbing goes so far up your chest that it feels as if your diapragm isn't expanding. In general, I liked him a lot and it helped me to calm down. It was during the whole prepping process that I finally got anxious and felt as if all was going to fall apart again, as if I could never get so lucky as to have a healthy baby. It helped that we had written a letter for the staff to read that talked all about Miranda and what we hoped for Gwen during our stay. All the L&D and most of the postpartum nurses read it, and most told us they cried as they did. My OB came and chatted with us before, too, and was concerned about how I was doing emotionally. She joked with us and basically let me know she knew it was hard...

I walked into the operating room, something I had not expected. That was truly reassuring, though. I had a chance to look around and study all the various (many) pieces of equipment. When I had been wheeled in with Miranda, it was all just a blur, a rather scary blur. I was pretty interested in the respirator, set up just in case, and Dr. Hunt, the anesth, made sure to show me the monitors, etc. (Which I knew how to read anyway, because of Miranda.) Getting the spinal in did not take as long, nor was it as scary as Miranda. I also did not collapse quite as fast. Dr. Honegger, my OB, stood in front of me, talking to me and reassuring me, while Dr. Hunt started it and talked through it blow by blow, something the not so great anesth. did not do last year.

After it was started, they let Al and Debbie, our labor coach (for the non-existant labor!) in. Dr. Hunt told Debbie she could stand in all kinds of places, and helped her to figure out where the best pictures would be had. Dr. Honegger or Debbie, I forget which, told Dr. Hunt I really wanted to see Gwen be born, and he produced a large hand mirror he keeps around for women like me. He would have held it for me, too, but Al decided he'd rather have Dr. Hunt "Do anesthesiologist things, like watch Trish's monitors.". Al held it, and did a darn good job, too. (More later- it was sooo neat to see her come out!) I got pretty distracted by the extremely odd feeling of not being able to feel anything much past your breasts.

Soon Al told me "Trish, they are cutting already." He was so excited. Before long, he practically shouted "There's fluid- and it's CLEAR!" He told me later that when they cut the sack, fluid spurted up and out. Meanwhile, I was panicking, as I was sure that I would somehow stop breathing. It took much longer than I expected to get to her, remembering back to Miranda. Dr. H later apologized and told me she forgot to tell me that with repeat sections, there's scar tissue to go through, so it takes a lot longer as the tissues have adhered to one another some and the layers aren't quite so easy to get through. Dr. Hunt noticed the wild look in my eyes, though, and put his hands on my shoulders (Debbie and Al were holding my hand) and kept talking to me calmly. Whenever I looked up at Al, though, I couldn't help but feel his excitement and joy- it was pouring from him.

They reached in the sack and suctioned her out. Al told me later that he heard a whimpering then, before her head was even born! I was peering in the mirror, trying to see what was going on. Rather thankfully, I could not see into the big hole in my abdomen, but mostly saw the bulge of my tummy and a hint of what was on the other side. I saw my tummy ripple as Dr. Girard, my OB's partner, pushed down and down on me. (It takes 2 OBs to do a section...) I was vaguely aware of the fact that they seemed to be having trouble. Dr. Honegger told me later (and this is where Al and I just crack up) that they almost couldn't get her out. Stuck and it was a section and all! Sheesh! It seems that due to the previous scar tissue, they weren't able to easily cut a bigger incision than usual (for usual sized babies) and so they had to squish her out. In the end, Dr. Girard half climbed on top of the table *with* me, and pushed with his whole body. Dr. Hunt, the nice anesth guy, ended up reaching down and pushed through the drapes as well. It felt quite hilarious to be squeezed so much.

But all my attention was on the mirror, and watching my belly squish down, and all of a sudden, a dark wet head with an enormous amount of hair appeared. I was told later that my view looked just about how it looks when you have a vaginal birth. I remember thinking about how dark her hair was, and how much there was of it. And of how incredible this all was. Her face looked just like those faces in the birthing films- she was a good color and all wet and sleek. And well, healthy looking. I don't know how to quite describe it, but all of a sudden, I knew it was OK and that my dream had come true. I do remember thinking that she had an awfully big head. Her head certainly filled up the hands holding it. Momentarily I saw the rest of her pop out and she flashed by in the mirror as Dr. H pulled her all the way out and they started to dry her off, etc. She cried right away- my impression at the time was that she cried before her feet even cleared the incision. I remember thinking how loud it was, how strong, and how different than Miranda's- a wimpy cry they had to work hard to get. I was amazed at the sound of her loud healthy voice.

Dr. Honegger stepped right back after they had cut the bulk of the cord off and walked around the drape with Gwen, just as she had promised me she would do. Dr. Honegger is a small woman, about 5 ft. 1 or so, and small boned. I remember thinking that Gwen seemed an awfully big bundle for her to be holding and started to wonder just how big this baby was, anyway. She was healthy newborn color- just like in the films, and her umbilical cord was still attached. I had told Dr. H before that I needed to see her with it still attached, so that I would feel like this was the same baby I had grown, that this was what had attached her to me. I remember thinking that the cord was so thick and strong looking when it went by in the mirror (and long!). And there is was, hanging from her. I made this baby. Wow. I reached out, unable to hold back, and grasped Gwen's foot. Dr. Hunt got alarmed, and told me Dr. H was still technically sterile and I couldn't touch just yet because they wanted to keep me healthy. Dr. H was grinning from ear to ear- you could see under her mask, and she and Al drifted over to do the hand off to our ped over in the corner.

Gwen's cry continued to fill the room, and I wondered if she was going to stop. She sounded so mad! I began to be amazed that she could cry so loud for so long.

They delivered the placenta and started the long task of putting me back together. (Did you all know they actually take your uterus out to clean it? They lay in on your belly or somesuch. I can't quite decide if I wish I had seen that part...) They showed me the placenta, and boy, was it enormous. And red and healthy- not at all like Miranda's mec stained one from last year.

Gwen continued to express her distate for being hauled out. I heard them murmur "Eight and nine." Someone made sure I had heard those numbers- my labor coach, I think. I just thought about that cry. Soon, she quieted down and I found out why as Al showed up, holding her in a blanket. He looked at me and said something. I couldn't tell what he was trying to say, his voice was so choked up. I had to have him repeat it twice. Meanwhile, I thanked the universe that let my husband be so happy finally. He held her so I could see her and I just marvelled at her little face, at how slowly and well she was breathing. What Al had been saying, it turned out, was "Does she look like a Gwen, then?" He wanted to name her right away, to use her name. He was trembling he was so excited. Debbie managed to catch a picture that has to be from that very moment. (As well as several great other ones. All quite beautiful, none too blood and guts...)

Soon Al left for the Recovery Room with Gwen. The ORs are kept rather cold so bacteria will have less of a chance to grow, and we were all so entranced, medical staff included, I think, that we had to get her out of there to get back to business. I remember wanting to just withdraw into my body at that point. I was awfully sick of not being able to feel my body. At the beginning of the whole thing, when I had thought I would stop breathing, I had announced to Dr. Hunt that what it really felt like was that I should sit up. (He told me that wouldn't be the best of ideas at that moment, given that I was all open...) Now that I knew Gwen was OK, I just wanted it to be over. I closed my eyes and felt as if I could go to sleep, which made my labor coach a bit nervous. Somehow, finally they were done.

Somewhere in the middle of this, someone poked their head back in and told us all what she weighed. There were gasps and laughs. Everyone had been taking bets, it turns out, from the moment we all saw her as to how big Gwen actually was. Al says that when they put her on the scale and it registered over 11 pounds, he knew I would be happy- and he found it hard to believe. When I heard, I was so surprised. But it felt better. I had been saying that if I had to go through all this fuss because they thought she was big, she had better be big after all. Be careful what you wish for.

They started poking about, preparing to transfer me to the guerney. Dr. Girard left, to go to another delivery. Dr. H stepped back from the table for a moment, and all of a sudden I felt a funny lurch and felt my body shift to the left side. It felt awkward. Debbie looked startled, and I asked what had happened. Dr. H laughed, and said "Seesh, I step away for a moment..." I felt something odd happening and it felt like I was more stable on the table. Turns out, my leg had fallen off and I had started to slide a bit towards the edge- yike! We went through the whole charming process of having people man-handle you onto another table while you are totally incapable of even feeling that you are moving, let alone where they are touching you. I was wheeled out and right across the hall...

And I could hear Al, chuckling to Gwen in a distinctive way he does. I felt like I had entered Heaven. Dr. Hunt got the table cranked up at the head of it a bit, and I could see her, all sweet and well, breathing well. It took me quite a while to get used to the fact that she breathes just fine. Soon I was holding her, and I felt like I had entered a special place in Heaven. She was smacking her lips, and I naturally put a finger in her mouth. She sucked, and hard, too. One of the nurses observed this, and all of a sudden, she was helping me to get my breast out, get Gwen in the right position, and before I knew it, Gwen was nursing. I didn't know how the world could get better. I could barely believe it. That- to nurse- is what I really wanted, and Gwen had just opened up her little mouth, I had somehow gotten my nipple in there, and wow, we were doing it. I think I may have cried. We read Gwen's chart later, and that was just barely one hour after she was born. Pretty amazing when you consider how long it took to sew me back up and all. The humorous thing is that I could feel the pressure of her body on my lower chest, but I could not feel her skin- I was still totally under the anesthetic when this happened.

We hung out in the Recovery Room for what seemed like forever. After an hour or two, I wanted to get to a phone and tell the world about how Al and I had entered some weird Twilight Zone where everything was perfect.

Things have pretty much continued like that. Gwen is a champion nurser. She nursed basically constantly the first two days. She was awfully fussy by late that night- it was becoming clear that a baby her size needed some volume in addition to all those nutrients in colostrum. The second night, when she was around 42 hours old, I woke up (I was breaking the rules, BTW, as Gwen was asleep on my chest- total bliss!) and my breasts were full, sore and a little hot. I was amazed- my milk never came in for real with Miranda, and I had continual problems pumping enough. I remember thinking to myself- "See- your body can do it- it just needs the help of a baby who can, too." I tried to get Gwen to nurse, but she just wouldn't wake up. Somehow I got back to sleep, though I was still uncomfy. Since then, she has continued to nurse like a champ and each time, I think about how amazing it is and how lucky I am. Yesterday, she showed she's a sloppy eater, and when she comes off, there is milk all around her face and dripping out of her mouth. I happily wipe it away, unable to believe there is so much I can just waste a few drops. She doesn't like to open her mouth wide, so it makes getting her latched on right somewhat of a tricky thing, but really, it's been so easy! Just like I had thought, it makes the c-section just a dust mote in the past.

The time in the hospital was mostly just fine. Of course there were minor annoyances, but mostly Al (who stayed the whole time- we three had a private room) and I sat sat around in awe. It was glorious to see Al back being Super Dad, able to calm her in a single snuggle. He got a little panicked that first night when she was upset because she was hungry, but all in all made the experience everything I dreamed of. Had it not been for him, I would have had to put her in the well baby nursery, and I would have been one incredibly bummed out woman. As it was, the only time I have been separated from her was those few minutes when they stitched me up. I even have recovered quickly. I never needed the strongest painkillers they offered (a morphine on demand thing), though I have been struggling with pain. I somehow was able to roll from the guerney into my own bed hours after Gwen birth, and stood up and walked all over the unit that evening. Al says I look so good it's hard to remember I just had major surgery. I do get really cranky from the pain at times, but overall I just can't believe how much better I feel.

We came home Wednesday. All together. The three of us. Al and I had a hard time believing it. When our ped came that AM, pronounced Gwen quite healthy and able to go home and then left, Al and I did the only logical thing. We stared at each other, stared at her, and both burst into tears. Later, as we were leaving, Al started joking about my often-had dream in the beginning of the pregnancy, where I was standing at the elevators of the Family Care Unit, insisting that of course we needed to see some specialists. We both felt a bit like we were breaking some rules and someone would catch us soon and make the miracle stop. Heck, I even walked out of the hospital, since they couldn't find any wheelchairs just then.

It's amazing how fast this has come to feel like reality, and a reality that makes sense. We ate a nice dinner yesterday evening (brought by a friendly person in our church). Gwen was sitting in her car seat on the table where we could both admire her. It felt like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I am so, so happy. I just can't stop thanking God for letting us be lucky this time. It is as sweet as my wildest dreams.

Trish
Mommy to Gwen, 10/23/95
and to Miranda, 10/13/94-1/13/95