Joseph P. Kendell
I can only hope this isn't too long...you didn't give me a limit for space,
and once I got to writing, I just couldn't stop...the words just poured out
of me...kind of like the tears did as I wrote it. Thank you for asking me to
express it.
Love,
Renee
MthrluvOK@aol.com
Defective No More
I can remember being pregnant for the first time. My husband and I had
actually tried to get pregnant and BINGO we did it! Of course at the time,
my husband was in the Navy and being that he was on duty the night before
had not been home when I took the home pregnancy test (I still have the
result stick today...I know, I know, bizarre). Well, since I am one to read
ALL the instructions on an item I am using and this was only the first day of
my missed period....I knew I could only be 2 weeks pregnant. Well I dropped
my happy little news into hubby's ear and like any expectant father he was
elated. All this happened over a weekend, so first thing Monday morning, I
made an appointment to see my OB that afternoon for a pregnancy test to
confirm the results (just like the package said to do).
As my doctor (at that time) was examining me, he stated, "Well, you are about
2 months pregnant!" You can well imagine my dismay since my husband had been
in the middle of the atlantic ocean 2 MONTHS ago, and I am faithful to my
husband. So I replied, "I don't think so, I think its more like 2 weeks
pregnant." His reply to that? "Ma'm how many children have you had?" as he
looks at my chart where it was written no previous pregnancies. "Well, this
would be my first!" I replied as I beamed, so excited at the thought. With a
voice heavily laden with sarcasm (as if I were completely stupid) he said,
"Then WHO is going to know better about YOUR body, YOU or ME?" I can
remember the nasty little reply that went through my mind, but felt so
degraded and humiliated by the way he was treating me (I honestly started to
think that maybe I was too stupid to know myself very well) that I couldn't
even answer.
Well to shorten this portion of my story, he did ALLOW me to go 3 weeks past
HIS due date before he induced my labor. Things did not progress the way he
felt they should and of course since I had it in my birth plan that I
preferred not to be OFFERED medication he wouldn't let me HAVE any (how
terribly crass and insensitive). Unfortunately, the person I had chosen for
my labor support was unable to properly support me (as I found out later on
that her 17 year old daughter had gotten pregnant while I was pregnant). The
doctor artifically ruptured my bag of waters and from that point on, I was in
a new world of hurt with each contraction. Finally, after 24 hours and only
dilating from a 2 to a 4, I was sectioned. I was humilitaed, horrified and
scared out of my wits. I remember thinking, there is something incredibly
wrong with me...I can't even have a baby the way everyone else I know does;
I felt like a defective typewriter and terribly incomplete. I was crushed.
We made our move from California to Oklahoma so I could be near my family
while my husband continued to travel; now as a merchant seaman. And soon I
was pregnant again (this time it was an oops!), but we always wanted more
children anyway, so we took it as a blessing in disguise. I went to my
family practitioner and pled with him to deliver my baby since I was so
terrified of the whole OB/GYN system and my family doctor had always been
kind, honest, and trusting of my judgement about what was happening to either
myself or my son when I would call in about one of us being sick. But he
just wouldn't do it.....he had stopped delivering babies because the
malpractice insurance was so high...however he gave me 2 referrals for
OB/GYN's with a deep understanding of my need for a 100% supportive doctor
for a VBAC. One was a male and the other a female.
I chose the female, since my last male doctor in that area had no heart and
bad bedside manners. I met with her and was delighted that she was totally
supportive of VBACs...and not just a trial of labor either....she really
believed it was better for everyone involved to have the woman try for a VBAC
and even encouraged them. She was familiar with the Bradley Method of
Natrual Childbirth course that I had taken and was willing to let me use all
my techniques learned in the classes to give birth naturally...everything was
always MY CHOICE.
With my first, birth the induction had no medical basis, but with this birth
there was a medical need...it seemed that my amniotic fluid level was
dropping and my bag of waters was intact. Again I was three weeks past my
due date, but this time the doctor's due date figure and mine were only a
week apart...so, at best I was only 2 weeks past my due date. Now that I
knew my family history of post date babies (just like some folks have a
history of preterm babies), I wasn't overly concerned. I agreed to a
prostiglandin gel induction this time over pitocin and the contractions
slowly built. I finally got to the same place I had been with the first one
(4cm) before the c-section...and try as they might, my labor support persons
just couldn't get me past my fear of another c-section. So, I agreed to an
epidural. After it was administered I fell asleep sitting upright,
refreshing my mind, body and soul for the work ahead. Just before I reached
10 cm the epidural began to wear off, and I announced "I REALLY want to
push!" At this point they turned the epidural off. The nurse checked me and
just as she finished my bag of water burst. How exciting! I had never made
it this far! Oh how I wanted to jump around the room and shout "I CAN DO IT!
I AM STRONG! MY BODY CAN LABOR!" And then that first strong, solid and
unrelenting urge to push hit me.
I felt and energy well up inside me like I have never felt before. I could
feel this life in me as I worked harder than I have ever worked in my entire
life to help my uterus push this baby out. At one point his head got stuck
and I started to panic again...."Oh no! How could God be this cruel to let
me get this far, only to have me cut open again!" But the doctor assured me,
we weren't backtracking now. She would use forceps during my next 2 pushes
to help straighten out the baby's head (not pull him out - by the way she
really didn't like using forceps much). Once it was straightened again I
resumed that pushing with all my might. It felt so wonderful to work with my
body and know that I was about to bring forth a life as my body had always
been intended for. As his head crowned, I touched it and knew THIS was my
miracle child. No episiotomy and no tear until his elbow caught me on the
way out...and even then the doctor said she was glad WE had agreed from the
beginning NOT to do an episiotomy. His body came out with the next push and
I held him on my stomach! What a miracle this was! I was NOT broken! I had
a body that worked! It brought forth life as it had always been intended to
do! At this point I cut the cord, and in that same instant bonded, totally
in love, with my child.
As I gazed at this miracle in my arms, my first child walked in the room with
my mother. Getting to see his new baby brother for the first time (and not
even cleaned up yet!). "Oh Mama! Can I kiss him? Please?!" And all I
could say was "Sure!" as I fought back tears of joy and elation. Joseph
Phillip, 8 pounds 5 oz. 21 inches long, was brought into this world with love
and care and determination, was just shy of being 1 full pound bigger than
his big brother had been 4 years before when I was told he would never fit
through my pelvis...my vindication served and proved...my body worked!
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