My partner gave birth to our first child, Mollie, and when we were ready
to have #2, it was my turn. A few months before my due date I started
looking for someone to do labor support at our house; I really wanted to
spend as much time laboring at home as I could. My partner, Jan, was
supportive of this idea; one of the good things about having me labor at
home (with support) was that Jan could get Mollie settled with the people
who would be caring for her. I contacted Doulas of North America, who
gave me the name of a local resource, who in turn gave me the names of
two midwifes who did both home births and hospital support. My HMO
OB/GYN was supportive and offered a third name.
I talked to all three women on the phone and decided to meet with two of
them. Since I was due on Thanksgiving, one concern was to find someone
who would not be going away for the holiday. Luckily for us, Jan and I
both liked the one of the two who had no travel plans, and so we hired
Linda (and paid for her out of pocket) to join us for labor and delivery.
The Friday before I delivered (on a Sunday) was Veteran's Day, and so Jan
and I were both off from work. That afternoon, while Mollie was napping,
we were in bed, and when I got up to pee I discovered I was bleeding. It
was like having my period, which is not what I expected bloody show to be
like. I called both Linda and the HMO (which was officially closed for
the holiday)
to find out what to do, and decided to go to the hospital to make sure
everything was fine. We called our friends, woke Mollie up, and brought
her to their house on the way to the hospital. Once there I was given an
internal, hooked up to a monitor, and checked by ultrasound. The
bleeding had stopped, everything was fine, so we picked Mollie up and
went back home.
Since it was two weeks before my due date, neither Jan (who was taking a
6 week maternity leave) nor I (who was taking a 4.5 month maternity
leave) had finished preparing our jobs for the temporary help who would
be called in. The next day, Saturday, I went to my office first thing in
the morning and spent the next 4 hours writing instructions and getting
as much done and
organized as I could. Jan took Mollie to a birthday party where I later
met them and sent Jan to her work to do the same. That evening we had a
wedding to attend and had arranged for Mollie to spend a few hours at a
friend's house, so after nap time I brought Mollie to her friend, and met
Jan at the wedding. We were there for a few hours when I left again to
pick up Mollie and go home. By the time I got Mollie to bed I was
thinking that maybe I was having contractions. Jan came home and we went
to bed.
I woke up around 2am and woke up Jan. I was clearly having contractions,
every 8-10 minutes. I told Jan to go back to sleep, but she didn't want
to. We both got up and sat at the kitchen table playing a board game for
the next hour or two. The contractions continued to be 8-10 minutes
apart and weren't painful. I decided we should try to go to sleep. Jan
did right away, and I did as well, though it took a few contractions.
After each contraction I would think "I have to fall asleep in the next
ten minutes." We slept until morning.
Sunday morning, same story with the contractions. We got our bags packed
again and gathered up all the things the Mollie would need. It was an
unusually warm day and we went for a walk together. Walking made the
contractions stronger and I pushed Mollie's stroller so I had something
to hold onto. We didn't stay out very long, and when we got home we
called our
friends who would be taking Mollie, as well as Linda, our labor support.
Linda said she would be at our house in an hour. Since Mollie was ready
to go to her friend's house, we called a neighbor to see if she wanted to
talk a(nother) walk with me while I was waiting for Linda. Jan and
Mollie left and for a few minutes I was home alone. Then I went on my
second walk for the morning. Once again, walking made the contractions
stronger, but they still weren't painful. We didn't take a very long
walk, since I wanted to get back home before Linda arrived.
When Linda arrived, she and I sat around the house for about fifteen
minutes talking about the labor. During that whole time I didn't have
any contractions (!) and wondered if I had called her too early. We
decided to take a(nother) walk, and as soon as I stood up I started
having contractions again. Linda checked the baby's heartrate, and
because I asked her to, also gave me an internal. I was mostly effaced
and 2 cm dilated. That seemed like good news to me. (Two days earlier
at the hospital I had been partially effaced, but not at all dilated.)
So we went for our walk.
Since I had Linda with me, I felt like I could take a longer walk. We
walked and talked and the contractions were coming regularly, every five
minutes or so. I continued to walk and talk through the beginning of
each contraction but would then need to stop. Linda would notice, ask if
I were having a contraction, and take a look at her watch. As our walk
went on, the
contractions took more out of me. It wasn't so much of a painful
feeling, but more that each contraction took all my attention. We found
a bench and sat for a while so I could have a break (once again I had no
contractions while I was sitting). Then we walked home.
It was now around lunch time, and I had some homemade chicken soup. I
called Jan at our friends' and we decided she would stay there with
Mollie a little longer. About ten minutes later, after realizing that
the contractions were now coming even when I was inactive, I called Jan
back to tell her to come home right away, and she did.
We were home for another hour, maybe. We called our relatives and our
bosses (so they'd know not to expect either of us again soon!). The
contractions were starting to be painful, and I decided to take a bath.
It didn't do much for me (though if I had been able to fit my whole body
under water...). Jan fed me chocolate ice cream. After I got out of the
bath, Linda, who had been
in the background a bit, saw how my labor was getting more intense and
asked if we wanted to go to the hospital. I decided to have another
internal first, and was 5cm. Things were really moving quickly, and
Linda changed her question to a statement, so off to the hospital we
went. Linda went in her own car, and Jan drove me. Because we had car
seats in the back, I had to sit up front. Driving to the hospital, which
was only 15 minutes away, was very painful. I was screaming through the
contractions, which were very frequent. I hated being stuck in the car,
and as soon as we reached the hospital, I made Jan let me out while she
went to park. Once I was standing up I felt a little better.
A few minutes later Jan and Linda came out of the parking garage and we
headed to the elevators to go to Labor and Delivery. The elevator ride
was great: me trying to scream softly though the contractions, the other
passengers (men) desperately wishing they weren't on the elevator with
us! When we got to the L&D floor we had to check in at the desk. I
couldn't talk--the pain was really bad. It was great to have Linda with
us then: she told the nurse who she was, the history of my labor, that I
was 5cm dilated (a half hour ago). We were immediately put into a LDR
room. It was 2 o'clock.
The next thing that happened was terrible for me. I was hooked up to a
monitor and had to stay that way for 20 minutes so they could get a
reading on the baby. Because I was in so much pain I couldn't lie down,
so I did the monitor standing up. But I couldn't move around. Linda had
no hospital
rights, so she was simply a second support person at this point. I was
glad when the monitoring was done, since it meant I could flail myself
about, but I was in so much pain. The contractions were very intense,
and there was no time in between. As one would end and the next one
start I would yell 'no, it's not time to have another one, I can't take
it' but my body was not in my
control. I was still standing; I thought I would want to lean on the
bed, but instead, with each contraction, I stood higher and higher on my
tip-toes. I was trying desperately to get out of my body!
The doctor on call wandered in and out a couple of times during this
time, trying to find my chart. It was missing, as it had been two days
earlier when I'd come in for the check. It would have been nice if it
had been found, or reprinted, in the meantime. Since I was in so much
pain, I
was telling Jan and Linda and the nurse (who was great) that I wanted
medication, but none could be given without my chart. Finally the doctor
decided to have it printed again (thank goodness for connected
computers), but then she still had to review it. By the time she was
ready to discuss pain relief, it was almost 3:30.
We discussed a narcotic and an epidural. My partner had had a epidural
with our first child, and that was what I wanted--complete pain relief.
I was told that the narcotic would "take the edge off," but I wanted more
than that. I got up on the bed to have an internal. I was 8cm and the
doctor then left the room to get permission forms and the
anesthesiologist. During this time the nurse was talking to me and told
me that an epidural wasn't going to work, that I was clearly unable to be
still for even a minute, let alone the 20 minutes it takes to start an
epidural. Jan and
Linda agreed, so we decided I'd take the narcotic instead. The nurse was
getting things ready (an iv, I think) and the doctor came back in when I
had a massive contraction. I was still lying on the bed and I jumped up
onto my hands and knees. And my water broke. And the contractions
changed and it was time to push.
So, thanks to a missing chart, I was about to have a baby with no
intervention, which is really what I wanted.
Pushing was quick (a half hour till delivery). After the first push
Linda, who was looking over the doctor, said she could see the head
already. Pushing felt a little hard, like I wasn't quite coordinated,
but much less painful, at least at first. The room was very hot, and no
one could
figure out how to make it cooler. I had been wearing a shirt, but took
it off, so I was naked. Jan, of course, wasn't, and when I started to
tear and lots of blood was gushing out, and the heat in the room--well,
she almost fainted! Almost all attention was off me for a minute as Jan
sat down,
got a cool wet cloth, and took a drink of juice. She was afraid she was
going to miss the birth. But she recovered quickly.
Once again I was in a lot of pain. I had started to tear, and the
pressure of the baby trying to get out was enormous. Since I was tearing
the doctor told me that I could continue the way I was and she could
stitch up a tear, or she could do an episiotomy. I had wanted to avoid
an episiotomy, but at this point I really wanted the baby all the way
out. "Will having an
episiotomy make the delivery end sooner?" I asked. "Yes," she said, and
so I did.
And then he was born! When he was partially out, Linda had me reach down
and touch him (I had actually touched his head earlier, too). And when
he was born, he came right up onto me. Jan cut his cord, and I delivered
the placenta with complete ease. He stayed on me for a while, and when
the nurse asked if she could take him over to the warming table to wipe
him down and
check him out, I said no, not yet. So she put his cap on while he was on
me and put a blanket over him. I loved having him there.
It was 4:04pm. We'd been in the hospital just two hours, and, although
my labor had started the night before, it was only 4 or 5 hours since
labor had been painful.
We called Mollie right away, and, our friends told us, she couldn't stop
smiling. And neither could we!