For Just A Moment

For just one tiny magical moment in time,
 you were mine.

Out of love you were created,
 and it is out of love,
  I know I must let you go.

I never got to hold you.
I never got to see your eyes
 stare in amazement at the wonders of this world.

I never got to know you.
To know what hurts you or what makes you laugh.

I never got to show you how much I loved you.

Despite this, I hope you know how wanted you were.
I hope you know how happy we were knowing there was life inside of me.
No baby could have been more loved.

Oh my dear one, how I grieve for you.

How selfish and bitter I am knowing you were never really mine.

Though I never got to mother you,
 I came to love you.  Unconditionally I offered
  my heart, my body and my life to you.

Tears warm my face and an emptyness chills my heart.
It just seems unfair to be alive.

How cruel everyone seems.
How can they smile and carry on when you have been taken from me?
Shouldn't they still be sorry?
Shouldn't they still grieve?
Or is it I who should move on?
Have they forgotten a piece of my soul died with you?

Should I laugh?
Should I smile?
Should I breathe?
Should I live?

So unfinished your life was.
But how much I have learned.
Through my tragic loss, 
 I gained incredible insight.
How much I now appreciate each
 seemingly insignificant detail of life.

Faith makes me strong.  Hope makes me smile.

I take comfort knowing one day,
 upon heavenly clouds,
  I, your Mother,
   will finally hold you to my heart.

And upon these clouds, with your feathery wings,
 Mommy will smile down at you,
  and as you tilt your head in confusion
   at the tears that will trickle down my cheek,
    I will whisper...

"Oh how I love you.  How I have missed you.  How sorry I am."

My child.
My life.  My all.  My dear, dear little one.