Torin's Birth
Torin is now 12 days old & I've finally figured out how to paste
his birth story into an MKP post! which I was waiting for as
closure before weaning myself off MKP daily checks ... the
overwhelming nature of new parenthood doesn't necessarily
get you over suddenly being "NOT pregnant" ...
Moral of this story is a line I've seen attributed to John Lennon --
"Life is something that happens while you're busy making other
plans." Just because you're pregnant & "prepared" doesn't mean
you're prepared for everything! as we learned starting 1/31. (Context:
we had "prepared" for a natural drug-free birth, with months of
Bradley classes and endless book-learnin', etc.)
On Tuesday, Jan. 30, three weeks before my due date, I was working,
preparing for two HUGE meetings at work the next day, after a
stop at the midwives' office for my checkup.
They'd been watching me for high blood pressure for 2 months, and
I'd been putting on a lot of water weight for a few weeks, but there
was no hint of a crisis -- till that next day.
After BP checks close to 160/100 at the midwives' office, and 9 more
pounds water in a week, and some protein in the urine, I was sent
over to the hospital's labor & delivery floor for a nonstress test. The
baby was fine but my BP wouldn't go down. I was sure it was because
I'd gone into hysterics while talking with the midwife about an
impending monthlong visit from my father-in-law (one he'd kind of
unilaterally decided on).
Somewhere while they waited and watched to see if my BP would go
down, the midwives & nurses moved me into a birthing room. I
should have known something was up, but I was in denial, except for
the fact I wasn't going to be allowed to leave to go to work for my big
meetings. I called work in a semi-panic. Before long, I was getting a
big talk-up from the on-call midwife about how the blood pressure
was at life-threatening "seizure or stroke" level and the only cure was
to get the baby out, so they wanted to induce -- IMMEDIATELY.
That just put me into more hysterics. But it eventually seemed clear I
hadn't much choice. I had never been a hospital inpatient before, but
suddenly I was being gowned and settled & all, even before I could
get Patrick out of work & down to support me!
What ensued was a 5-day hospital ordeal -- gel, gel, many hours of
Pitocin, continuous fetal monitoring, straps and cuffs everywhere,
dragging the IV pole into the bathroom, 10 pounds extra bloating
from Pit, the horrible anti-seizure drug magnesium sulfate, TWO
failed induction attempts spread over four days, no sleep, a change in
plans almost every time the midwives & consulting OB's &
labor/delivery nurses changed shifts. My BP had somewhat
stabilized so I kept wailing that if I was fine & the baby was fine (we
were still only at 37 1/2 weeks), why couldn't they give me
something for the BP and send me home to wait for labor to start
NATURALLY?
On Saturday night, they gave up on induction & moved me over to the
postpartum rooms for observation ("vital sign" checks every two
hours, enforced bed rest, endless heartburn), which lasted till Monday
morning, when a wonderful member of the midwife corps decided to
try letting me go home for bed rest THERE. HALLELUJAH! ... just had
to pass a couple more tests (another NST, an ultrasound to check
amniotic fluid) first.
Bed rest at home was actually scarier because the hospital folks had
really gotten to me with the "your BP puts you at risk of stroke or
seizure" stuff. I lay in bed quaking in fear while trying to read the
magazines Patrick kept buying for me. Made it to Wednesday, when
we returned to the midwives' clinic -- at which time the BP was up
again but settled down to an acceptable 154/95ish after a nap on the
examining table! -- so we went home till Friday
(Feb. 9), at which time another NST was scheduled at the hospital.
Once again, the BP was way up, the NST was fine, we were put into a
labor room, there was talk of another induction attempt -- but then
inexplicably the midwife on call had a change of heart and let us go
home "for the weekend."
"DON'T EVEN SIT UP!" I was warned. Great for my peace of mind..
worrying that every time I got up for the bathroom I was at risk of
dropping dead. Sunday night, looking ahead to what I sensed would
be the last hospital trip one way or another, I was too scared to sleep
..
I made Patrick keep the light on, and brought a portable radio into
bed, sitting it on my tummy ... I
remember the baby kicking and punching at various points, a
precious memory now because that was the last night he was inside
me.
Monday 2/12 dawned with a half-moon in the crisp morning sky as
we headed to the hospital for 7:30 NST and 8:30 amniotic fluid check,
me AGAIN in full recline on the passenger seat.
The NST fine, my blood pressure wasn't -- saw a lot of 170/110. I
was wheeled over for the ultrasound, and that wasn't fine either --
the radiologist pronounced the baby dangerously low on fluid.
The midwife on call, Judy, was one of our favorites, from among all
10!!! who'd
spent time with us during the preceding ordeal. She said there was no
choice but
to try inducing again. This time, I was ready, though still scared it
wouldn't take --
my cervix wasn't much more "favorable," about the only good point
was the baby was head down.
At 1:15 in the afternoon she gave me more gel -- since I'd lost my
mucus plug after the previous two attempts, I was hoping that would
give the gel more room to "take" -- one hour later, in went the Pitocin
IV. Judy was reassuring & optimistic.
Patrick sat with me as the afternoon brought some (mild in
retrospect) contractions. We told my mom to stay home until and
unless we got into "real" labor.
The sun set, and I thought it was a bad sign when I still felt like
dinner around 5:30, gobbling down some version of the typically
brown & white hospital food -- meatballs on noodles or something.
I shouldn't have worried. Somewhere in the next hour, the "gear
shift" of which Judy had spoken kicked in -- the contractions were
suddenly too hard & too close &
I was in rapidly escalating misery. I begged them not to turn the
Pitocin up (seems they had no intention of that, since they'd found
the right level, which apparently
wasn't too high -- my "receptors" were just infally working!)
The BP problem complicated labor in that they wanted me to stay
lying down but I couldn't handle the contractions without sitting up,
grabbing the bed rail AND
someone's hand for dear life, scrunching up my face, breathing in and
out as best I could, and counting to survive to the peak ("1 little
elephant, 2 little elephant, 3 little elephant," etc. to about 10, I
remember is how I counted to myself).
Patrick and the nurses also borrowed some imagery from our Bradley
relaxation training about "ride the wave" of the contraction.
Maybe about 7:30, dinner came back up, which I know was a good
sign, and midwife Judy was ecstatic -- earlier she hadn't foreseen a
baby till maybe the next afternoon.
She was soon to hand off to night shift midwife Kate, who gave me
my first pelvic
of the night -- "3 centimeters dilated, 100 percent effaced! with a nice
bulging bag of waters!" She was happy, Judy was happy, I was feeling
squeezed to death with
the contractions but happy to hear of progress.
Judy suggested a "therapeutic" epidural, noting my BP in 170/110
land and saying that to be "comfortable" might keep it somewhat in
check. I was not about to argue.
I was already in "I can't take this any more" mode. Patrick did his
good Bradley daddy act, making sure I really meant it and wasn't
going to regret it later or be mad -- I remember telling him, shakily,
'No, I won't regret it, this is HELL.'
The epidural didn't exactly change it to heaven though. The
anesthesiologist got it in easily enough -- but it only worked on my
left half. The right half kept
crunching just as hard with those too-close-together Pitocin
contractions. He came back & tried again -- ABOUT SEVEN TRIES
before he found another spot. That one didn't work much either. I
kept holding on for dear life. Labor
really was meeting Sheila Kitzinger's description, "stormy" -- as if
with each contraction, I was picked up by a tidal wave and slammed
against a wall.
At quarter past 11 p.m, Kate checked me again -- 8 cm!!! She broke
my water (late enough in labor to make me happy, Bradley says an
intact bag helps dilation) -- and instantly I was at 9 cm. With the
warm gush, I heard her say "Nice clear fluid." They put an internal
monitor on the baby so they could free
me from the external (which never wanted to stay). Patrick was
feeding me crushed ice & asking if I wanted music -- I couldn't focus
on anything but the growing pressure and tightness inside my body,
and the soothing words of
the two nurses who were working with midwife Kate.
Soon I was dimly aware they were bringing in equipment & clothing
-- carts,
scrubs, etc. Another good sign. They also were bringing in more BP
drugs
because mine stayed at 180/120 with contractions. There was some
worried
talk about how I would handle pushing, and whether the on-call OB
might
have to come in with a vacuum extractor to help get the baby out.
Kate
seemed confident I could try pushing, but I couldn't sit up.
She declared me completely dilated at quarter past midnight, and
said matter-of-
factly I could "try" pushing if I felt like it. I started kind of gingerly.
Soon,
they put an oxygen mask on my face -- and started coaching me thru
pushing,
thru several different positions, with helpful guidance like "help your
baby
turn the corner." Patrick was helping hold my legs -- I remember his
as one
of the voices saying they saw a scalp full of hair. Kate was doing
something
internal to help me stretch -- part of the coaching included, with a
contraction,
"Push Kate's fingers right out of there!"
The 'crew' finally found a good position for me to push -- if I said the
contraction
was starting, they'd grab my legs, lift them up, counsel me to gulp
and hold a
huge breath, chin on chest, and PUSH!!!!!!!! (Patrick tells me later they
also
held THEIR breath at these times watching my BP reading go off
every five
minutes -- 180/120 plus with pushes.)
There was a mirror up on the opposite wall, and during a few of the
pushes I
opened my eyes long enough to look up -- and finally see part of that
hairy
little scalp! Somewhere after a looooooong push, I saw it crowning at
the
opening -- Kate apparently "snipped" me here after some other kind
of internal
snip a bit earlier -- gave me one "DON'T push yet" direction -- then
changed
the order with the next contraction -- and out he slid!!!!!!
A fragment of our birth plan survived here -- Patrick was the person
who
declared "It's a BOY!" -- and I started shrieking in happiness and
relief. He
was out! I pushed him out! (We hadn't known the gender.) But I
didn't get
skin-to-skin contact right away -- the two nurses were busy checking
him out
on the other side of the room -- Kate was busy sewing me up and
coaching me
thru the placental delivery -- I remember her remarking on the
strength of
the umbilical cord and how well it must have nourished him (by that
point they
were already speculating he was 9-plus pounds, later confirmed at 9
pounds
6 ounces) -- Patrick says I became coherent quite quickly --
Soon enough, the baby was in my arms, and I cooed, "Little baby
Torin!" -- no
chance for us to change our minds from the boy name we'd chosen
recently.
Patrick made a few phone calls, first to wake up my mom, whom I
remember
weeping that she was sorry she couldn't have been there for me --
but we had
no time to call once the labor "took off" earlier in the evening.
Torin & I stayed in the hospital for 2 more days -- I had to stay on
the anti-
seizure drug "magnesium sulfate" for 24+ hours after delivery --
agony to
try to learn breastfeeding with an IV still in your arm!!!
We came home to a house much less organized than we'd planned,
due to the
prelude of 2 weeks of chaos, but we're getting it together day to day.
I am
not grieving my natural-birth dream, I know the BP problem was to
blame for
all the interventions, and there's nothing I could have done to change
it. The
Bradley training we got was still incredibly helpful, even down to the
muscle
tone I got from all those Kegels, and the nutrition the baby got from
the
nutrition counseling!!!!
On the bright side, the BP problem does seem to be evaporating -- as
does the
water weight -- I'm already more than 30 pounds down!!!! -- And
one last
word of advice, if you are in your final month or so of pregnancy,
enjoy
EVERY second -- the end (or something like it) could come sooner
than you
expect -- even if you WISH it was over, don't rush it, I wouldn't mind
savoring
the sensation of the baby inside me just one more time -- especially
from
the days
BEFORE the bed rest and induction attempts!!
Would like to know how to have your story included?
You can now read birth stories two ways:
After listening to our readers, we found that many of you read a collection of stories during your lunch hour. So we decided to break the stories down into groups of five stories per collection. The newest stories will be added to the bottom.
While others preferred the categorized stories, broken down into similar types of stories. The new stories here will be posted at the top of each section.